Vivir Solo Es Eso

Carrie found Big Love in the form of Mr. Big. I say phooey. (Image from imdb.com)

Remember last week when I said that I had an earth-shattering 2009 resolution to discuss in a subsequent blog post? Well, here it is: I'm giving up on love in 2009--as in toe-curling, heart-pounding, soul-shaking, goosebumps-inducing, turn-your-world-upside-down Big Love. I simply don't believe in it anymore.

Before you denounce me as a heartless heretic, just hear me out. I've already gone through 2 major relationships where we looked too far forward, promising our entire lives away without knowing what will happen tomorrow. Both times it ended in disappointment. And when I reflected on 2008, my one regret was how much time and energy I wasted being anxious over my single girl status. Ironically, though, I enjoyed the giddiness, the fun, the intrigue of my 2008 flirtations. It was only when I became anxious about where something might lead that I lost all perspective.

Instead of being anxious and forward-looking, this year I choose to revel in small moments--the moments you spend with the other person here and now, the moments you savour and look back on. If these moments add up to something, like small grains of sand at the bottom of an hourglass, then it will have been the most gradual of miracles. And if they don't, well, I'll always have those moments.

In one of my favourite songs ever, "Cuando Nadie Me Ve," Alejandro Sanz sings: "No darte la vida entera/ darte solo esos momentos/ por que es tan dificil/ vivir solo es eso." (Translation for non-Spanish speakers: "Not to give you my entire life/ to give you only these moments/ why is it so difficult/ to live is only this.") I've now adopted this as my guiding motto of 2009.

Here's to living in the moment. Goodbye, Big Love. Hello, the moments that count.